I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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