is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drake has all the answers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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