Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
