I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
