he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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