They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
