A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
