then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
