can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
