I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
