It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
