just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am one with the molecules
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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