That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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