I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
