I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
