I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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