I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry about my life...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
