WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize