toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I AM VODKA MAN
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
