Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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