Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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