I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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