Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
