I could make wine with my vomit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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