You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
