My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
