I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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