3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
