Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
