just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
