I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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