he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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