dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
