And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
