Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
