dude i'm inner monologue high
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
