Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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