I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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