Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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