all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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