My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
