Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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