After last night, I could never be a politician.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
