sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
