I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
