and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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