His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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