dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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