Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
