Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
