i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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