ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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