Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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