my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
