I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
