My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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