you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
