Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
