I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
