If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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