I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
