it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
