You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
