Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
