that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
