yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
