im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
