2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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