ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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