Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
