im having a threesome with these popsicles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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