Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
