my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
