Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
