Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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