??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
