Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
