My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
