Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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